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WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE bragging or thinking
they’re better than you, what’s your first instinct?
To take them down a notch? Let them know they’re not as
great as they think they are? And when someone is humble or playing
themselves down, what do you want to do? Build them up, probably.
It’s human nature.
The problem is, when you do well —
even if you aren’t an egotist or a braggart —
some people can get the impression you think you’re pretty
hot stuff, and they’ll try to tear you down. Therefore —
and here’s the point — if you get more criticism
than you want, play yourself down. Get to it before they
do. If you play yourself down well enough and quick enough, the
criticizer may even do a complete turnaround and try to build
you up. At least they’ll have less desire to tear you down.
You’ve taken the wind out of their sails by playing yourself
down.
There are rules to playing yourself down.
You can’t just go around saying, “I’m a sniveling,
worthless puddle of scum sludge.” Too obvious. Here are
a few pointers:
Never lie.
Not only does lying feel bad, but if the other person knows or
suspects you’re lying, it reverses the effect you’re
trying to create.
Don’t make a big deal about it. Don’t go on and on about how imperfect you
are: It’ll sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.
Just make a brief comment and go on.
Point out something the other person
is better at than you. Often people
who make a habit of tearing other people down feel intensely
competitive, and it’ll help them relax to feel like a winner.
Never mention you’re better at
something than the other person unless it’s absolutely necessary.
This will only be difficult if
you yourself are intensely competitive.
When you make a mistake, admit it before
anyone else can accuse you. This
is a good thing to do anyway, but it also helps keep people from
trying to tear you down.
IT SOUNDS CONTRADICTORY, but people admire
humility — as long as it is humility with class. Follow
these guidelines and you’ll achieve just that. The end result
will be a more peaceful, less contentious, happier life.
Play yourself down. |
