THE FOLLOWING PRINCIPLES are from the book
Self-Help Stuff That Works. Choose one principle
to practice for now. Pick one you feel would do you the most
good. Write the principle on a card and carry it with you for
a week or so, actively trying to practice that principle at every
opportunity. Then stop practicing it consciously. The skill or
point of view will become available to you when you need it.
Relax your muscles and make it your mission to help the other
person feel more comfortable.
To improve the self-esteem of others:
Give unexaggerated feedback and
help them gain ability.
To improve your own self-esteem:
Change what you do to make
yourself more appreciated by the people around you.
Direct all complaints to the person who can do something about
Question and criticize your negative judgements of people.
As a personal discipline, practice listening well when someone
is talking to you.
Increase your certainty about how to act.
Clean up relationships by being honest without judgement.
Try to make a good first impression.
Act like a person who is well liked and worthy of respect, even
when you don't feel that way.
Don't say much when you're angry.
When you complain, say what you want, not
what you don't want.
To find and keep a good mate:
Pursue your interest and remind yourself: Nobody's perfect and
attraction to others is unimportant.
Encapsulate your insights into short phrases and repeat them
Play yourself down.
Be honest. If it causes conflict, listen well and only say what
is strictly true.
Practice e-squared now and then: Pay close attention to your
Notice how other people are similar to you.
Send good wishes to people anytime, anywhere.
Don't limit yourself by giving yourself a narrow lable.
Accept the natural conflict between parent and child.
Set standards and enforce them with consequences.
Influence people by merely suggesting things.
When you talk to people, think of them as relatives.
Improve childrens' self-esteem by helping them become more competent.
Be overly clear with people.
Imagine yourself looking out from inside another's body.
Criticize when it first occurs to you, but don't criticize
ask for what you want.
Find and cultivate a friendship that centers around your strongest
Watch TV only once in awhile.
Act undefensive when you feel defensive.
Downplay or overlook what you don't want and enthusiastically
appreciate what you do want.
When you want acknowledgment for something, tell someone what
Relieve self-consciousness by focusing on a purpose.
Practice having a "poker face" when you feel negative
If you want to be intimate, say what you want and feel.
Know what you want and speak up about it.
Say things to yourself you want to be right about.
Try not to waste too much of your attention on people who bother
Resist the temptation to flinch.
To forge mettle:
Remain loyal to your comrades, speak honestly and directly, and
keep your word.